11 April 2010

Madam Auring

It’s hard to take a long, unflinching look at Madam Auring’s face or what's left of it after surgery and all. But it’s harder to take anything she says at face value. After all, this is the woman who boldly predicted on TV that Ms. “Valenzuela” will be crowned Ms. Universe in 1994 (the title went to Ms. India, Sushmita Sen) and that Uma Khouny will become her lover. Her most dubious claims, however, pertain to her age and sexual prowess. In one interview, she claimed to be only 46 years old, even though her eldest child then was 42. Later, in a televised sit-down with Sharon Cuneta, she admitted to being “16 but in reverse.” She also famously declared in “The Buzz” that she still has asim, a certain sourness, in bed. To prove her asim-ness, she publicly came out with her 20 year old boy-toy by the name of Archie Mendoza and then, as the whole nation choked in their own vomit, kissed the malnourished, curly-haired boy, tongue and all. Subsequently, she confessed to having miscarried dear Archie’s child.

When she’s not predicting the future of starlets or sucking face with Archie on TV, Madam Auring is busy dueling with other D-listers, such as the late Tita Swarding and screen villainess Bella Flores. But her most unforgettable televised tussle has to be her showdown with Mystika, another attention-whore. Apparently, Madam Auring and Mystika used to be best friends until Madam Auring stole Mystika’s boyfriend, Archie. Their feud culminated in an explosive showdown at “S-Files” which saw Madam Auring sitting atop Mystika and using her face as a floor-scrubber. Now, who says you can't find anything entertaining on local tv?

Say what you will about Madam Auring – that she’s a sham, a freakshow, a clown – but when it comes to the art of attention-whoring, she’s undeniably a genius. May asim pa rin.

Source:  http://misterhubs.blogspot.com/2007/04/madame-auring.html

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