ERAPtions

Erap to Cardinal:  Hanggang ngayon galit pa ang simbahan sa akin.  This is unfair.

Cardinal:  Why did you say that?

Erap:  Mayroong Sabado de GLORIA, Sagrado de CORAZON, at Domingo de RAMOS.  Bakit ako wala??? Eh, I was also a President!

Cardinal (after a careful thought):  OK, from now on, yours is ASS Wednesday!

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Joke #8: SAVE

FVR, Cory and Erap, are about to be executed in front of a firing squad. Each of them is blindfolded and given the chance to call upon the forces of nature to save them. The executioner starts the countdown: ‘10, 9, 8,….’.

FVR shouts, ‘Flood!’. In a sudden, a big wave came. FVR was able to escape because of the commotion.

It’s Cory’s turn. She shouts: ‘Earthquake! ‘. The people watching the execution panicked. She was able to escape.

Erap was wondering what calamity to call. The executioner started counting again: ‘10, 9, 8, 7….’. Erap had a mental block. ‘5, 4, 3, 2, 1…’

Erap shouted: ‘Fire!’.

Joke #9: ERAP IN LIBRARY

Erap in Library

‘What time does the library open?’ Erap on the phone asked.

‘Nine A.M. ‘ came the reply. ‘And what’s the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?’

‘Not until nine A.M.?’ Erap asked in a disappointed voice.

‘No, not till nine A.M.!’ the librarian said.

‘Why do you want to get in before nine A.M.?’

‘ha, who said I wanted to get in?’ Erap sighed sadly. ‘I want to get out!’

Joke #10: IN LABOR

One particular day many years ago, Erap’s wife was having labor pains.

Erap panicked so he called their doctor.

Erap: Hello, doc. My wife is in labor!

Doc: Is she in a lot of pain?

Erap: Yes, doc!

Doc: Is this the first baby?

Erap: No, doc. This is Erap!

Joke #11: ANOTHER EXAMPLE

Teacher: (talking to ERAP) Can you give me an example of a beast of burden?

ERAP: Carabao, ma’am! Teacher: Very good, ERAP. Can you give another example?

ERAP: How about another Carabao?

Joke #12: TESTING

As Erap’s Driver test drive it.

Driver to Erap: Sir, pweding pakitingin kung umiilaw yung parking light as driver switches on the parking light)

Erap: OK, its ON! Gumagana.

Driver: Sir, yung headlights, umiilaw ba? (as driver switches on the headlights)

Erap: OK rin, its ON! Gumagana.

Driver: Sir yung signal light pakitingin? (as driver switches on the signal light)

Erap: Gumagana, ay ayaw, ay gumagana, ay ayaw, ay gumagana, ay ayaw…….

Joke #13: WA CLASS

Reporter to Erap alighting from a PAL flight: ‘Mr. President, what can you say about the economy?’

Erap: ‘I don’t know, kasi nasa first class ako.’

Joke #14: KAMUKHA DAW

Jingoy: Dad, sabi nila pagnakaharap ako kamukha ko si Jose Rizal, pag-nakaside view kamukha ko naman si Manuel Roxas. Anong ibig sabihin yon?

Erap: Mukha kang pera.