25 September 2011

How would you know you are at a Filipino party?

You're an hour late and there's still nobody there!   There’s enough food to feed the Philippines. 


You can't even get through the door because there's a pile of 50 shoes blocking the way. 


You see a huge fork and spoon on the wall, a framed picture of the Last Supper, a huge Santo Nino,and a barrel man. 


They're singing "Peelings" on karaoke. 


There's a piano in the living room for decoration.     


You are greeted by a Tita Baby and/or a Tito Boy.


The older men are in the garage playing posoy-dos, or poker or 31, the women are in the kitchen gossiping, or are playing mahjong,the other people are in the entertainment room singing karaoke, and the kids are outside the streets running around unsupervised.    


There's goat 'pulutan' beeing cooked. 


There's a crazy woman with a camera going around the room snapping away and yelling, "Uy peeeek-chuuur!"    


You enter a family party and you "Mano" to half the old crowd and when you leave you have to say goodbye to EVERYONE that's related to  you as a sign of respect. You end up saying hello and goodbye for a total of 30-40 minutes.


You know you're at a Filipino party when you hear a male's voice on the karaoke trying to emulate Frank Sinatra's "My Way." 


Women are still doing the line dance to "todo todo".


When there's at least one or more with the name : JP,JJ, JT,TJ,DJ,AJ, RJ,LJ, Lingling, Bingbing, Tingting, Dingding, Wengweng, Bongbong, Dongdong  etc.  


All the old aunties and guests are already wrapping up food to take home.


You have the Pacquiao fight on the illegal cable boxes on the 70" LCD in the movie room,


The 10 yr old 50" CRT in the living room,


The 15 yr old 30" tube in the breakfast nook,


The 20 yr old 15" tube in the kitchen,


The 30 yr old 13" tube in the garage


And the  little portable by the BBQ grill,Because TVs are NEVER retired in a Filipino household, they merely get demoted to whichever room doesn't have a TV yet(hahaha),then it ends up in the balikbayan box to be sent to a relative back home, and it ends up being the main TV at the house again.        


The aunties and guests are showing off their "designer" Louis Vuitton and Coach bags that they secretly bought at a swap-meet . .  


Someone is always in the kitchen constantly cleaning up, and you're not sure if she's the maid or a relative, so you greet and kiss them on the cheek anyway.   


Relatives/friends will ask you where you work and if it's a retail job or if you work at an amusement park, they'll ask if you can get them a discount.    


The lumpia is gone in 5 minutes and they are frying up another batch. 


They play achy-breaky heart over and over again.


I like how the religious gatherings at the house turn into an illegal gambling set up by the end of the night !!


10 September 2011

PAC jokes


Genie: Bibigyan kita ng isang kahilingan.
Aling Dionisia: Talaga?…gusto ko gumanda!
Genie: Buksan mo ang bote.
Aling Dionisia: At gaganda na ako?
Genie: Hindi. Babalik na lang ako.
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——–
Pacman: Sabi ng titser ko, bakit daw ang eggplant walang egg?
Aling Dionisia: Sabihon mo sa titser mo, na pag me egg yun, turta na yan, TURTA!
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——–
Reporter: Nguang nanalo ka Manny, anong pasalubong mo kay Jinkee?
Manny: Ibon syempre. Mahilig sya dun e.
Reporter: Ibon? Anong klaseng ibon?
Manny: Yung mga lipstek, pangmik up ba? Basta mga Ibon products! Yo know…
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——–
Dionesia: Doc gusto ko magpalagay ng breast.
Doctor (gulat) magpapasexsi ka na?
Dionesia: Breast sa ngipen ba. Paraumayos yun ngepen ko! Deba uso yon?
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——–
Pacquiao: Wala, talo ka na kahit anung gawin mo..
Hatton: Pagandahan na lang tayo ng nanay!
Pacquiao: Ah! Wala namang ganyanan. I mean you know…
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——–
Aling Dionisia: Inday, akina nga yung seeds ko.
Inday: Bakit po magtatanim po ba kayo?
Aling Dionisia: Anung magtatanim sinasabi mo? Nasisilaw ang mata ko kaya kailangan ko yung seeds.
———- ———- ———- ——— ——— ———-
Jinky: Manny, kung magkakaanak ulet tayu anu magandang name?
Manny: Hmm. Eh di combine na lang name natin… “MANKY”……
———- ———- ———- ——— ———- ———-
Aling Dionisia: Gusto ko naman pag
nagka-anak kayo uli ni Jinky, di lang pangalan nyo pagsasamahin. Dapat
kasali din pangalan ko.
Manny: Oo naman nay, kasu midyu mahirap yun.
Aling Dionisia: Hindi ah, may naesep na nga ako eh.
Manny: Talaga ‘nay? Anu?
Aling Dionisia: DIOMANJI (dionisia-manny- jinky)
——— ——- ——– ——— ——— ———
Freddie and Manny heart to heart talk
Manny: Pare, ba’t naman hanggang ngayon wala ka pang syota? Wala ka pa bang napupusuan?
Freddie: Meron. .. Manhid ka lang!
——— ——— ——– ——– ——– ———
Noodle!!
Noodle!! Noodle!!
- Manny Pacquiao sa Deal or No Deal
——– ———- ——– ——– ——— ——–
Sa Las Vegas:
Waiter: May i take your order, Madam?
Aling Dionisia: Soup
Waiter: Chicken, asparagus, noodle, fish or soup of the day?
Aling Dionisia: Soup drenks!
——— ———- ——— ——— ——- ——–
Sa isang birthday party:
Aling Dionisia: Blue!!! Blue the Kick!!!!
——— ———- ——- ——— ——– ——–
You is!’ ‘you is! you is!’, sigaw ni Aling Dionisia pagdating sa Amerika..Andito na ako sa ‘you is!’


05 September 2011

Breaking News

BREAKING NEWS!!! 


Congressman Manny Pacquiao is planning to spend his fortune to 
build PACQUIAO UNIVERSITY, which we'll call in short 
PAC-U! Students will be called "Pacquers"! Mother Dionisia will be primarily runningthe school, she will be called "Mother Pacquer"! After hearing this news, Bobby Pacquiao, being a jealous brother decided to put up his own University called PAC-U 2..


haha watdapac? it's pacquing hell!

10 February 2011

Modern Filipino Terminology

1. BAKTOL — ang ikatlong lebel ng mabahong amoy sa kili-kili. ang baktol ay kapareho ng amoy ng nabubulok na bayabas. ito’y dumidikit sa damit, at humahalo sa pawis. madalas na naaamoy tuwing registration, sa elevator o FX.
“Put@#$%, sinong nangangamoy BAKTOL sa inyo????!!!
2. KUKURIKAPU — libag sa ilalim ng boobs. madalas na namumuo dahil
sa labis na baby powder na inilalagay sa katawan. Maaari ding mamuo kung
hindi talaga naliligo o naghihilod ang isang babae. ang KUKURIKAPU ay mas madalas mamuo sa mga babaeng malalaki ang joga.
“Honey, maligo ka na para maalis yang KUKURIKAPU mo.”
3. MULMUL — buhok sa gitna ng isang nunal. mahirap ipaliwanag kung bakit nagkakaroon ng MULMUL ang isang nunal. subalit hindi talaga ito naaalis, kahit na bunutin pa ito, maliban na lamang kung ipapa-laser ito.
“How nice naman your MULMUL! Nakakakiliti!”
4. BURNIK — taeng sumabit sa buhok sa pwet. madalas nararanasan ng mga taong nagti-tissue lamang pagkatapos tumae. ang BURNIK ay mahirap alisin, lalo na kapag natuyo na ito. ipinapayo sa mga may BURNIK na maligo na lamang upang ito’y maalis.
“Labs, alam ko kung anong kinain mo kanina!!!”
5. ALPOMBRA — kasuotan sa paa na kadalasang makikitang suot ng mga tindero ng yosi sa quiapo. ito’y may makipot na suotan ng paa, at manipis na swelas. mistulang sandalyas ito ng babae pero kadalasang
suot ng mga lalaki. available in blue, red, green, etc.
6. BAKOKANG — higanteng peklat. ito’y madalas na dulot ng mga sugat na malaki na hindi ginamitan ng sebo de macho habang natutuyo. imbes na normal na balat ang nakatakip sa bakokang, ito’y mayroong makintab na takip.
7. AGIHAP — libag na dumikit sa panty o brief. nabubuo ang AGIHAP kung ang panty o brief ay suotsuot na nang hindi bumababa sa tatlong araw.
8. DUKIT — ito ang amoy na nakukuha kung isinabit mo ang daliri mo sa iyong puwit o sa puwit ng iba….try it to prove it thats DUKIT.
9. SPONGKLONG — ito’y isang bagong wika na nangangahulugan sa isang estupidong tao.
“Buti naman at bumaba na sa puwesto ang spongklong nating Presidente.”
10. LAPONGGA — ito’y kahintulad sa laplapan o kaya sa lamasan.
“Hoy Utoy, bakit ba ang hilig mo sa mga sineng puro lapongga lang ang palabas?”
11. WENEKLEK — ito ang buhok sa utong na kadalasang nakikita sa mga tambay sa kanto na laging nakahubad. Meron din ang babae nito.
“Inay! Si Itay, sinaksak yung kapitbahay natin kasi hinila yung weneklek niya!”
12. BAKTUNG — pinaikling salita ng BAKAT-UTONG.
“Uy Jefferson, tingnan mo si Ma’am, baktung na naman!”
13. BAKTI — bakat panty.
14. ASOGUE — buhok sa kilikili.
15. BARNAKOL — maitim na libag sa batok na naipon sa matagal na panahon.
16. BULTOKACHI — tubig na tumatalsik sa pwet kapag nalalaglag ang isang malaking ebak.
17. BUTUYTUY — etits ng bata
18. JABARR — pawis ng katawan
19. KALAMANTUTAY — mabahong pangalan
20. McARTHUR — taeng bumabalik after mong i-flush. “I shall return!”

Source: Priam07
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06 January 2011

Mental Hospital Phone Menu


Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.
Please select from the following options menu:
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you.
If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won’t be crazy forever.
If you are blonde, don’t press any buttons, you’ll just mess it up.
This coming week is National Mental Health Care week. You can do your part by remembering to contact at least one unstable person to show you care.

16 October 2010

10 Most Cruel Wives

1. The Australian woman who attacked her husbands, killed her last one and served him as dinner for his kids


The first Australian woman to be sentenced to a natural life term without parole, Katherine Knight, had a history of violence in relationships. She mashed the dentures of one of her ex-husbands and slashed the throat of another husband's eight-week-old puppy before his eyes. A heated relationship with John Charles Thomas Price became public knowledge with an Apprehended Violence Order that Price had filed against Knight. She stabbed Mr Price 37 times with a butcher's knife before skinning him and hanging his hide from a meat hook in their lounge room back in 2000. She then decapitated him and put his head in a pot on the stove, baked flesh from his buttocks and cooked vegetables and gravy as side dishes to serve to Mr Price's children. Police found the macabre dinner before the adult children arrived home.
(Link 1 | Link 2)


2. The woman who killed both of her husbands and then framed her own daugther


In 2005, Stacey Castor, 41, used a kitchen baster to give antifreeze to her second husband David Castor over a four-day period, and then staged the scene to make it appear a suicide. Investigators found he had ingested ethylene glycol. Suspecting his wife, they exhumed the body of Castor's first husband, Michael Wallace, who died in 2000 of a heart attack. Chemical analysis showed that his body contained ethylene glycol as well. This threw more suspicion on Stacey Castor, but she had a backup plan. She arranged evidence to point the finger at her own daughter, Ashley! Castor accused her teenage daughter of killing both her father and her stepfather, despite the fact that Ashley was only eleven years old when Michael Wallace died. In 2007, Ashley Wallace was hospitalized for an overdose of prescription pills and vodka. There was a suicide note in which she confessed to the murder of her stepfather. The only problem was that Ashley survived to testify against her mother at her 2009 trial. Castor faces 25 years to life for the murder of David Castor and the attempted murder of Ashley Wallace. (Link 1 | Link 2)


3. The empress who traded as prostitute to cheat on her husband and later planned to kill him with one of her lovers


Valeria Messalina was the third wife of emperor Claudius. She was notorious for being an absolute nymphomaniac. She married Claudius in A.D. 38 and bore him two children, who were rumoured to have actually been fathered by Caligula as she was a frequent attendee to his many banquets and orgies. After Caligula was finally murdered, Messalina, although now empress, did not suppress her urges. At night she would even dress up as a prostitute and incognito she would trade as a prostitute - such was her insatiable appetite for men. She once challenged the famous Roman prostitute, Scylla, to a sex-athon, whereby the winner was the one who copulated with the most men. The competition lasted for 24 hours and Messalina won with a score of 25 partners.

In 48 A.D. she plotted with one of her lovers, Sillius, to have Claudius murdered and even had a secret marriage ceremony with him. However, one of Claudius's advisors Narcissus, exposed the plot to him. Claudius was heartbroken and could hardly believe his own ears, but was eventually persuaded to have her and Sillius promptly executed. Messalina was given the option of suicide but she could not bring herself to take her own life. (Link 1 | Link 2)


4. The woman who bit her husband's penis off


A furious wife bit off her hubby's manhood after waking up to find him in a clinch with her best friend. Katya Kharitovonova, 36, was jailed for two years for the wounds she inflicted on hubby Mikhail, 40, and his lover Liza Dmitriyeva, 33. The Russian couple had gone for a walk when they met Katya's pal Liza and invited her home for a meal. After eating, they settled down to watch HG Wells movie The War of the Worlds – but Katya fell asleep.

After half an hour, Katya woke up to find her husband half naked and her best friend performing a sex act on him. Katya immediately seized a floor lamp and crashed it over Liza's head before biting and severing her husband's penis. Realizing the seriousness of the wounds she inflicted, Katya called an ambulance and the pair was taken to casualty at a nearby hospital. Liza suffered severe concussion while Mikhail's willy had to be stitched back together.

Katya faces two years behind bars in a labour camp. The judges told her she had no right to act in such a violent manner despite the provocation by her husband and best friend. (Link)


5. The woman who cheated on her husband after he had donated his own kidney to her


Dr Richard Batista married Dawnell Batista in 1990. Back in 2001, after two previous transplants failed, Batista proved to be a match to his wife, so he duly offered up one of his own kidneys. After the successful transplant, Dawnell survived but not as so their marriage, which lasted only another four years. Dawnell viewed the kidney as a new lease on life. She returned to school to earn a master's degree in nursing, and took up karate. According to Richard, his wife repaid his gesture by first sleeping with her physical therapist - and then denying him access to their three kids in an increasingly bitter divorce.

The heartbroken doctor is now requesting the one-time love of his life to pay $1.5 million for the organ he donated. He insisted his cash-for-kidney claim was a direct result of his wife's behavior. (Link 1 | Link 2)


6. The woman who accidentally hanged her husband to death during a sex game


Tony, 46, and Crystal Boarder, 31, his partner of about 10 years, used to be engaged in "kinky sex games" of bondage and asphyxiation. They performed acts of suffocation with plastic bags and sheets, drownings in the bathtub and hangings in their barn. The couple even videotaped themselves taking turns hanging each other in the barn next to their house outside Rockwood. First, Crystal Boarder was hanged by her husband and let down. Then, Tony Boarder placed the rope around his own neck and she hanged him. He told her to lower him and then quickly lost consciousness. Crystal Boarder slowly brought him to the ground over a period of about 15 minutes. For the next 40 minutes, she checked his pulse and smoked cigarettes. Later that morning, Crystal Boarder called the police and said she had accidentally killed her husband during a sex game.

Tony died of asphyxiation during the hanging. In a strange twist, he had once killed someone during a dangerous sex act and was convicted in 1987 of manslaughter. He was sentenced to eight years in jail for causing the death of a 19-year-old woman by strangulation during sex. (Link)


7. 76-year-old lady who is suspected of murdering four of her five husbands


Jeff Carstensen was spooked when he learned his grandmother planned to buy him a $100,000 life insurance policy -- and name herself the beneficiary. As he and many others who came into Betty Neumar's orbit have learned, bad things tend to happen to the people around her.

The 76-year-old Georgia woman is in a North Carolina jail, accused of hiring a hit man to kill her fourth husband Harold Gentry. Authorities are re-examining the deaths of her first child and four of the five men she married, including Gentry. No motive has been discussed, but records and interviews with relatives and police officials paint Neumar as a domineering matriarch consumed by money. She collected at least $20,000 in 1986 when Harold Gentry was shot to death in his home. A year earlier, she had collected $10,000 in life insurance when her son died. She also had a life insurance policy on husband No. 5, John Neumar, who died in 2008. The official cause of death was listed as sepsis, but authorities are investigating whether he was poisoned.

To the outside world, family members said, she was Bee -- a friendly woman who operated beauty shops, attended church and raised money for charity. But Carstensen saw another side: fist fights at family functions, use of obscenities and belittling of relatives, how she would act "one way in public -- especially church -- and another behind closed doors." Police in Ohio are looking into the death of Carstensen's stepfather, Neumar's son Gary Flynn, who was found shot to death in his apartment in November 1985. It was ruled a suicide, but his family has questions. (Link)


8. The woman who chose a pet crocodile over her husband


An Australian woman, Vicki Lowing, divorced her husband after he asked her to give up her pet crocodile, Johnie, which is "like a child" to her. Mrs Lowing, 52, who has hand-raised the one-and-a-half metre reptile for 13 years, gives it the run of the house and even lets it sleep with her son Andrew in his bed. Victoria adopted the crocodile after it was left on her doorstep in 1996 by an anonymous person. Her husband Greg said she spent too much time with the pet and asked her to give it up in a bid to save their marriage, but she refused and the couple divorced in 2005. Mrs Lowing, a trained nurse, said: "Husbands can look after themselves but my crocodile can't make his meals. " (Link)


9. The Saudi woman who dumped her husband because he tried to sneak a look at her face after 30 years of marriage


A Saudi Arabian man lived with his wife for 30 years without setting eyes on her face. His 50-year-old wife followed the tradition of her native village near the south-western city of Khamis Mushayt and kept her features veiled at all times. One night the husband was overcome by curiosity and tried to lift his wife's veil as she slept to take a look at her face. It was an error he is unlikely to be given a chance to repeat for his outraged wife woke up during his sneak peek and decided to demand a divorce.

The betrayed wife said her husband apologized and promised never to do it again, but she insisted she wanted a divorce. It may seem odd, but cases of Saudi husbands with wives forever shrouded in mystery are not uncommon. (Link)


10. The woman who attacked her husband with frozen lasagna


An Atlantic Beach woman was taken into police custody after investigators said she used frozen lasagna to serve up violence instead of serving it for dinner. Amanda Trott is charged with domestic battery after police said she attacked her husband with the frozen food during an argument. Mr. Trott claimed that Mrs. Trott had slapped him across the face several times and threw a frozen lasagna at him that struck him at the top of his head. The incident began when officers were called to the Sea Oats Apartments after neighbors called them with concerns about the Trotts' children. Police confronted the couple and Amanda Trott eventually confessed to hitting and attacking her husband. The Trotts' children have been placed in the care of a neighbor. (Link)

27 September 2010

10 Most Amazing Extinct Animals

From the Quagga --half zebra, half horse-- to the Irish Deer --the largest deer that ever lived--, an impressive list with pictures of amazing animals we will never see.
 

1.  Tyrannosaurus Rex (extinct 65 million years ago) [Wiki]

Tyrannosaurus rex was one of the largest land carnivores of all time, measuring up to 43.3 feet long, and 16.6 ft tall, with an estimated mass that goes up to 7 tons. Like other tyrannosaurids, Tyrannosaurus was a bipedal carnivore with a massive skull balanced by a long, heavy tail. Relative to the large and powerful hindlimbs, Tyrannosaurus forelimbs were small and they retained only two digits.

Fossils of T. rex have been found in North American rock formations dating to the last three million years of the Cretaceous Period at the end of the Maastrichtian stage, approximately 68.5 to 65.5 million years ago; it was among the last dinosaurs to exist prior to the Cretaceous-Tertiary extinction event. More than 30 specimens of T. rex have been identified, some of which are nearly complete skeletons. Some researchers have discovered soft tissue as well. The abundance of fossil material has allowed significant research into many aspects of its biology, including life history and biomechanics.









2. Quagga: half zebra, half horse (extinct since 1883) [Wiki]






One of Africa's most famous extinct animals, the quagga was a subspecies of the plains zebra, which was once found in great numbers in South Africa's Cape Province and the southern part of the Orange Free State. It was distinguished from other zebras by having the usual vivid marks on the front part of the body only. In the mid-section, the stripes faded and the dark, inter-stripe spaces became wider, and the hindquarters were a plain brown. The name comes from a Khoikhoi word for zebra and is onomatopoeic, being said to resemble the quagga's call.

The quagga was originally classified as an individual species, Equus quagga, in 1788. Over the next fifty years or so, many other zebras were described by naturalists and explorers. Because of the great variation in coat patterns (no two zebras are alike), taxonomists were left with a great number of described "species", and no easy way to tell which of these were true species, which were subspecies, and which were simply natural variants. Long before this confusion was sorted out, the quagga had been hunted to extinction for meat, hides, and to preserve feed for domesticated stock. The last wild quagga was probably shot in the late 1870s, and the last specimen in captivity died on August 12, 1883 at the Artis Magistra zoo in Amsterdam.

Because of the great confusion between different zebra species, particularly among the general public, the quagga had become extinct before it was realized that it appeared to be a separate species. The quagga was the first extinct creature to have its DNA studied. Recent genetic research at the Smithsonian Institution has demonstrated that the quagga was in fact not a separate species at all, but diverged from the extremely variable plains zebra.




3. Thylacine: the Tasmanian Tiger (extinct since 1936)

The Thylacine was the largest known carnivorous marsupial of modern times. Native to Australia and New Guinea, it is thought to have become extinct in the 20th century. It is commonly known as the Tasmanian Tiger (due to its striped back), and also known as the Tasmanian Wolf, and colloquially the Tassie (or Tazzy) Tiger or simply the Tiger. It was the last extant member of its genus, Thylacinus, although a number of related species have been found in the fossil record dating back to the early Miocene.

The Thylacine became extinct on the Australian mainland thousands of years before European settlement of the continent, but survived on the island of Tasmania along with a number of other endemic species such as the Tasmanian Devil. Intensive hunting encouraged by bounties is generally blamed for its extinction, but other contributory factors may have been disease, the introduction of dogs, and human encroachment into its habitat. Despite being officially classified as extinct, sightings are still reported.


4. Steller's Sea Cow: the defenseless beast (extinct since 1768) [Wiki]






Formerly found near the Asiatic coast of the Bering Sea, it was discovered in in 1741 by the naturalist Georg Steller, who was traveling with the explorer Vitus Bering. The sea cow grew up to 7.9 meters (25.9 ft) long and weighed up to three tons, much larger than the manatee or dugong. It looked somewhat like a large seal, but had two stout forelimbs and a whale-like tail. According to Steller, "The animal never comes out on shore, but always lives in the water. Its skin is black and thick, like the bark of an old oak..., its head in proportion to the body is small..., it has no teeth, but only two flat white bones—one above, the other below". It was completely tame, according to Steller. Fossils indicate that Steller's Sea Cow was formerly widespread along the North Pacific coast, reaching south to Japan and California. Given the rapidity with which its last population was eliminated, it is likely that the arrival of humans in the area was the cause of its extinction elsewhere as well. There are still sporadic reports of sea cow-like animals from the Bering area and Greenland, so it has been suggested that small populations of the animal may have survived to the present day. This remains so far unproven.


5. Irish Deer: the largest deer that ever lived (extinct about 7,700 years ago) [Wiki - Photo: (c) The Field Museum, CK1T]






The Irish Elk or Giant Deer, was the largest deer that ever lived. It lived in Eurasia, from Ireland to east of Lake Baikal, during the Late Pleistocene and early Holocene. The latest known remains of the species have been carbon dated to about 5,700 BC, or about 7,700 years ago. The Giant Deer is famous for its formidable size (about 2.1 meters or 7 feet tall at the shoulders), and in particular for having the largest antlers of any known cervid (a maximum of 3.65 meters/12 feet from tip to tip and weighing up to 90 pounds).

Discussion of the cause of their extinction has still focused on the antlers (rather than on their overall body size), which may be due more to their impact on the observer than any actual property. Some have suggested hunting by man was a contributing factor in the demise of the Irish Elk as it was with many prehistoric megafauna, even assuming that the large antler size restricted the movement of males through forested regions or that it was by some other means a "maladaptation". But evidence for overhunting is equivocal, and as a continental species, it would have co-evolved with humans throughout its existence and presumably have adapted to their presence.


6. Caspian Tiger: the third largest (extinct since 1970) [Wiki]






The Caspian tiger or Persian tiger was the westernmost subspecies of tiger, found in Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan, Turkey, Mongolia, Kazakhstan, Caucasus, Tajikistan, Turkmenistan and Uzbekistan until it apparently became extinct in the 1970s. Of all the tigers known to the world, the Caspian tiger was the third largest.

The body of this subspecies was quite stocky and elongated with strong legs, big wide paws and unusually large claws. The ears were short and small, and gave the appearance of being without hair on the tips. Around the cheeks the Caspian tiger was generously furred and the rest of its fur was long and thick. The colouration resembled that of the Bengal tiger. Male Caspian tigers were very large and weighed 169-240 kg. Females were not as large, weighing 85-135 kg. There are still occasional claims of the Caspian tiger being sighted.


7. Aurochs: a very large type of cattle (extinct since 1627) [Wiki]






One of Europe's most famous extinct animals, the aurochs or urus (Bos primigenius) were a very large type of cattle. Aurochs evolved in India some two million years ago, migrated into the Middle East and further into Asia, and reached Europe about 250,000 years ago.

By the 13th century A.D., the aurochs' range was restricted to Poland, Lithuania, Moldavia, Transylvania and East Prussia. The right to hunt large animals on any land was restricted to nobles and gradually to the royal household. As the population of aurochs declined, hunting ceased but the royal court still required gamekeepers to provide open fields for the aurochs to graze in. The gamekeepers were exempted from local taxes in exchange for their service and a decree made poaching an aurochs punishable by death. In 1564, the gamekeepers knew of only 38 animals, according to the royal survey. The last recorded live aurochs, a female, died in 1627 in the Jaktorów Forest, Poland. The skull was later taken by the Swedish Army and is now the property of Livrustkammaren in Stockholm.

In the 1920s two German zookeepers, the brothers Heinz and Lutz Heck, attempted to breed the aurochs back into existence (see breeding back) from the domestic cattle that were their descendants. Their plan was based on the conception that a species is not extinct as long as all its genes are still present in a living population. The result is the breed called Heck Cattle, 'Recreated Aurochs', or 'Heck Aurochs', which bears an incomplete resemblance to what is known about the physiology of the wild aurochs


8. Great Auk: largest of all auks (extinct since 1844) [Wiki]

The Great Auk was the only species in the genus Pinguinus, flightless giant auks from the Atlantic, to survive until recent times, but is extinct today. It was also known as garefowl, or penguin.

Standing about 75 centimetres or 30-34 inches high and weighing around 5 kg, the flightless Great Auk was the largest of the auks. It had white and glossy black feathers. In the past, the Great Auk was found in great numbers on islands off eastern Canada, Greenland, Iceland, Norway, Ireland and Great Britain, but it was eventually hunted to extinction. Remains found in Floridan middens suggest that at least occasionally, birds ventured that far south in winter as recently as in the 14th century.


9. Cave Lion: one of the largest lions ever (extinct 2,000 years ago) [Wiki]






The cave lion, also known as the European or Eurasian cave lion, is an extinct subspecies of lion known from fossils and a wide variety of prehistoric art. This subspecies was one of the largest lions. An adult male, which was found in 1985 near Siegsdorf (Germany), had a shoulder height of around 1.2 m and a length of 2.1 m without a tail, which is about the same size as a very big modern lion. This male was even exceeded by other specimens of this subspecies. Therefore this cat may have been around 5-10% bigger than modern lions. It apparently went extinct about 10,000 years ago, during the Würm glaciation, though there are some indications it may have existed as recently as 2,000 years ago, in the Balkans.


10. Dodo: the archetype of extinct species (extinct since late 17th century) [Wiki]

The Dodo (Raphus cucullatus) was a flightless bird that lived on the island of Mauritius. Related to pigeons and doves, it stood about a meter tall (three feet), lived on fruit and nested on the ground. The dodo has been extinct since the mid-to-late 17th century. It is commonly used as the archetype of an extinct species because its extinction occurred during recorded human history, and was directly attributable to human activity. The adjective phrase "as dead as a dodo" means undoubtedly and unquestionably dead. The verb phrase "to go the way of the dodo" means to become extinct or obsolete, to fall out of common usage or practice, or to become a thing of the past.

06 September 2010

A 100-year Population History of the Philippines (in Filipino verse)

Isang daang years ago, sa isla ng Pilipinas,Naisipang gumimik ang mga Pinoy, sumubok maka-alpas. Sa kadenang nakatali, sa bansa ng Kastila,Upang ipakita sa mundo, ang pagnanais maging malaya. Itinuloy nila ang himagsikang, sinimulan sa beach ng Cebu, Sa pamumuno ng kanilang big boss, also known as Lapu-Lapu. Nakita nito si Magellan, naghahanap ng masisilungan,Nakursunadahan ng promdi, nauwi sa saksakan. Bumilib ang dayuhan, umuwi sa pinanggalingan, Dahil sa takot nito, buong mundo inikutan.Carramba!, sabi ni Philip, hindi pwedeng ganyan, Balikan nga natin, ipakita ating katapangan.Sa next four hundred years, napailalim sa Espanya, Pilipinas umabante, lalo na sa pananampalataya.Dumami sa atin, mga mestiso at mestisa,Natutong mag-este-este, ngunit hindi pa rin malaya. Hanggang isang taga-Laguna, dakilang anak ng Calamba, Inudyok ng kanyang kuya, naisipang mag-ibang bansa.Siyang naging modelo, ng libu-libong DH at OCW,At ng mga numeraryong kumukuha, ng PhD sa Navarra U. Ang national hero nating si Joey ng Calamba,Dumaan ng Hong Kong at India habang patungo sa Europa. Dinala sa Mount Buntis, sa isang sulok ng Cavite,Ginawang target practice, inilibing sa Ternate.

Ok na sana nakamtang, kalayaang Pilipino,Dahil walang CNN di nakita, dumarating na mga Amerikano. Lumusob si Dewey, pinalubog ang Armada,Pagkalipas ng isang oras, we were a part of America. Apatnapung taon tayo sa ilalim ng U.S.,Natutong mag-Baguio, at gumamit ng Ingles,What a life! What a joy! sigaw ng mga Pilipino, Di nila alam, palapit nang mga taga-Tokyo.Sumalakay ang mga sakang, inuna ang Pearl Harbor,Sinunod ang Pilipinas, because we were a Yankee Protector. Limang taon din tayo, napailalim under the Hapon,Ang masaklap na nangyari, naubos ating mga hipon. (ginawang tempura) After natalo si Hitler, next naman si Yamashita,Nang mapatakan ng atom bomb, ang bayan ng Hiroshima. Ang landing ni MacArthur, sa Leyte ay sumunod,Kung saan si Romulo, muntik nang malunod. Natapos ang digmaan, pinalaya tayong muli,Dahil sabi ni Quezon: either that or you'll be sorry. So on July 4 ibinaba, ang US stars and stripes,Itinaas naman ang ating bandila, because the time is ripes.

Nagsimula na ang sirkus sa bansang Pilipinas,Every 4 years eleksyon, mga dilihensiya nagsisilabas. Unang nahalal ng tao, si pangulong Roxas,Mukha nito ngayo'y nandun, sa perang kulay ubas. Sinundan siya ni Quirino, the father of jueteng,Pagkatapos si Magsaysay, whose death we are still regretteng. Ang VP nitong Garcia, sa kanya'y pumalit,After him is Macapagal, na dalawa ang waswit. (byudo kasi) .
He took by storm Ma-drih, Pa-rih, nakarating ng Alemanya, Nag-aral ng medisina, umakit ng iba't-ibang dalagita.Sa kanyang free time, si bayani ay sumulat,Ng isang nobela, na sa korona'y masakit ang kagat. Umaray ang hari, pinadakip si Rizal.Pina-uwi sa Pilipinas, sa Luneta huling nagdasal. Aba, no puede esto, sigaw ng dakilang Pilipino, Hindi lang si Joey puwedeng bayani dito.Magiting din kami; sabi ni Mars, Puling, at Andy,Sinamahan sa koro, mga sundalong Emil, Greggy, at Tony. Dahil mga bagito, hindi magaling magplano,Kaya himagsikang Katipunan punong-puno ng gulo.Pati nga si Andre, who failed in the heroic minute, Hindi kayang manalo, sa mga bakbakang maiinit.Sabi nila: Teka muna, kailangan natin ng utak,Para hindi tayo parang mga manok, na pupugakpugak.Dedbol na si Joey, kaya si Puling ang nag-take-over,With the bagets Emil Jacinto, siyang naging strategic planner. According to Mabini, the key objective should be:Elect the president first, at saka na yung country. Nagmula sa Kawit, Cavite ating unang pangulo,First name niya ay Emilio, ang apelyido - Aguinaldo. But as usual in Pinoy politics, maraming inggitan,Dagdag-bawas!, sigaw ni Andres, kaya siya'y pinag-initan. 1950s at 60s, ekonomiya'y top two sa Asia,Ang bansa isang paraiso, parang extension ng Amerika.

Exchange rate 2 to 1, ang GNP growth double digit,Kaya lumabas na naman sa eksena, mga may intensyong pangit. 1965 naging pangulo, ang kababayan kong si Ferdie, Meron palang asawa, mahilig magsuot ng Gucci.Inubos ang sapatos sa Marikina, which is a very sad story, Naasar ang mga tao, hanggang napalayas ni Cory.Ang unang ginawa ni biyuda, palitan ang Constitution,Ibalik ang demokrasya, restore the dignity of the person. Nagsulputan ang mga flyover, sa buong Metro Manila,Naging parang Enchanted Kingdom, ang kahabaan ng EDSA. Malaya nga tayo, pero wala namang kuryente,Kaya dumami ang kudeta, mga sundalong rebelde. Nagsara ang mga bases, pinauwi ang mga sundalo,Nagkalindol din sa Baguio, pumutok ang Pinatubo. Sa 1992 naman, kamuntik manalo si Brenda,Buti na lang dehins, kundi we wouldn't know what hit ya. Lumabas na new President, ang sundalong si Eddie,Si-nolb ang mga problemang bayan, unang-una si Baby. Hanggang bumagsak ang Thai baht, akala nating kababayan, Ok na ang Pilipinas, tuloy na ang kaligayahan.Nakalimutan ng marami, what every Filipino should remember, Hindi tayo puwedeng mag-relaks, from January to December.Kaya ngayong Sentenyal, dapat nating tandaan,Ang dugong bayaning dumanak, malalim ang kabuluhan. Katarungan para sa Bayan pinaglaban nila ng buong hirap,Upang ihanda sa darating na taon, ang pagkapangulo ni Erap. Sibat na, mga kapatid!!!

07 August 2010

A 5-year-old Peruvian: World's Youngest Mother



Into the hospital at Pisco (Peru) came a tired, ragged Indian woman from the foothills of the Andes. She led by the hand a shy little girl, scarcely three feet tall, with chestnut braids and an enormously bulging abdomen. Pointing to the frightened child, the Indian woman begged Surgeon Geraldo Lozada to exorcise the evil spirits which had taken possession of her. Certain that little Lina Medina had an abdominal tumor, Dr. Lozada examined her, received the surprise of his life when he discovered she was eight months pregnant.




Dr. Lozada took her to Lima, the capital of Peru, prior to the surgery to have other specialists confirm that Lina was in fact pregnant. A month and a half later, on May 14, 1939, she gave birth to a boy by a caesarean section necessitated by her small pelvis. The surgery was performed by Dr. Lozada and Dr. Busalleu, with Dr. Colretta providing anaesthesia. Her case was reported in detail by Dr. Edmundo Escomel to La Presse Medicale, along with the additional details that her menarche had occurred at 8 months of age, and that she had had prominent breast development by the age of 4. By age 5 her figure displayed pelvic widening and advanced bone maturation. 



Her son weighed 2.7 kg (6 lb) at birth and was named Gerardo after her doctor. Gerardo was raised believing that Lina was his sister, but found out at the age of ten that she was his mother. He grew up healthy butdied in 1979 at the age of 40 of a disease of the bone marrow.


There was never evidence that Lina Medina's pregnancy occurred in any but the usual way, but she never revealed the father of the child, nor the circumstances of her impregnation. Dr. Escomel suggested she might not actually know herself by writing that Lina "couldn't give precise responses." Lina's father was arrested on suspicion of rape and incest, but was later released due to lack of evidence. Medina later married Raúl Jurado, who fathered her second son in 1972. They live in a poor district of Lima known as Chicago Chico ("Little Chicago"). She refused an interview with Reuters in 2002.


There are two published photographs documenting the case. The first one was taken around the beginning of April, 1939, when Medina was seven and a half months into pregnancy. Taken from Medina's left side, it shows her standing naked in front of an inconclusive backdrop (either the side wall of a house with the sun shining on her, or a light-diffusing blanket in a room with an overhead light pointed toward the front of her body). This is the only published photograph of Lina taken during her pregnancy. This photograph is of significant value because it proves Medina's pregnancy as well as the extent of her physiological development. However, this photograph is not widely known outside medical circles. The other photograph is of far greater clarity and was taken a year later in Lima when Gerardo was eleven months old. 

Although the case was called a hoax by some, a number of doctors over the years have verified it based on biopsies, X rays of the fetal skeleton in utero, and photographs taken by the doctors caring for her. Extreme degrees of precocious puberty in children under 5 are very uncommon but not unheard of. Pregnancy and delivery by a child this young remains extremely rare because extremely precocious puberty is treated to suppress fertility, preserve growth potential, and reduce the social consequences of full sexual development in childhood, and because termination of such pregnancy is more widely available now than in the early 20th century.